Go slow, and let the moment evolve naturally without an end goal in sight. I can only get hard if I don’t feel like someone is tapping their foot, waiting for it to happen. In my experience, the longer I draw out the preamble, the less pressure I feel to perform in the moment. Let me say from firsthand experience: It’s difficult to get out of your head and stop worrying about your dick to the point that you can actually relax and enjoy yourself.
Also, most guys over a certain age struggle to stay very hard, and must of us take a while getting there. Most everywhere men have insecurities about their penises - especially since we live in a world that fetishes and glorifies big ones, bigger than most men have. Drawing out those early touches, those first stray hands, builds excitement and anticipation and confidence.
This can be the most intimate part of sex. There’s so much you can do to get comfortable and excited - even before the clothes come off. The full range of intimate body-on-body experience is yours to use, so don’t feel like you have to fit into a prescribed, hackneyed script, which you may think goes something like this: make-out session, followed by a blow job, then possibly a rim job, with a finale of penetrative sex that ends in orgasm.
